The Norvells

We are a simple, little family doing our best to raise our children in Christ's love.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Stages of Mourning

Since my Aunt died, I've been going through the various stages of grieving.  Everyone says it's normal and healthy, and I'm sure it is, but it just sucks.

Right now I'm going through a new stage that I didn't expect.  I knew sadness, loneliness, worry, fear would all come, but now I'm in a stage of having no more hope.  I always knew that Kelly's life would end in this way, but I always held on to a tiny twinge of hope that she would get better, that something would make her realize what she was doing and stop.  Now there is no hope to hold on to.  She's gone and will never be healthy and happy on this planet. 

I know I've probably said this so many times, but there was a stage in Kelly's life where she LOVED life and everyone in it.  She laughed and loved making others laugh.  Her boys and my brother and I were everything to her.  She had an amazing career as a hair stylist that was constantly growing.  I've been trying to figure out the point where that all stopped, but I don't think it happened at once. 

When Chase was diagnosed with the brain tumor, life literally stopped for her, but she was still Kelly.  Chase was at Children's Hospital for 5 months, and there wasn't a doctor, nurse or patient who didn't know her because of her loud personality.  She would even cut the hair of the children who were going through cancer treatments to make them feel better about themselves.  She took the situation she was in and tried to make it the best possible.

I know when Chase died, that was a huge turning point, but even then I can remember her enjoying life.  Now I wonder if it all was just an act and it got to the point she couldn't pretend anymore.  As a mom, I don't think I could pretend for very long either.

Those of you who know me, know I have a bad horrible memory, but I'm trying desperately to remember the Kelly the way she'd want to be remembered.  Thankfully I have a handful of friends and my family here to tell me stories and memories of their own.  I'm truly so grateful for that.

Memory provided by Mo:  After Columbine happened, Kelly, my mom, myself and Mo all went to a service held at WBCC.  They did an alter call, so Kelly grabbed my moms hand, who grabbed my hand which I then grabbed Mo's hand, and we all went up to the alter together.  I had totally forgotten about that moment, and I'm so thankful that I was reminded by my friend.  Thank you Mo :).

2 comments:

  1. Mange, I'm sorry that this stage of grieving is so hard (not that the others are easy!)

    Here's another memory I have of Kelly: She always seemed so strong. I remember going with you once to visit Chase in the hospital. I was petrified -- I mean we were on the cancer floor of the Children's Hospital; that's intense! But she was smiling and laughing. I think Chase was eating an orange popsicle, and I remember thinking how amazing it was that she made things normal for her son, even there.

    I also remember her running in her neighborhood, pushing Chase in the wheelchair. And her weightlifting class at Club USA. The woman had some serious guns. So strong. Oh -- and I remember how she used to joke around with Dave McPherson, and he got his butt handed to him in her class too. And that's how he got her to come to church. :)

    I'm sure I've got more memories tucked away. I'll keep digging :)

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