Right now I'm going through a new stage that I didn't expect. I knew sadness, loneliness, worry, fear would all come, but now I'm in a stage of having no more hope. I always knew that Kelly's life would end in this way, but I always held on to a tiny twinge of hope that she would get better, that something would make her realize what she was doing and stop. Now there is no hope to hold on to. She's gone and will never be healthy and happy on this planet.
I know I've probably said this so many times, but there was a stage in Kelly's life where she LOVED life and everyone in it. She laughed and loved making others laugh. Her boys and my brother and I were everything to her. She had an amazing career as a hair stylist that was constantly growing. I've been trying to figure out the point where that all stopped, but I don't think it happened at once.
When Chase was diagnosed with the brain tumor, life literally stopped for her, but she was still Kelly. Chase was at Children's Hospital for 5 months, and there wasn't a doctor, nurse or patient who didn't know her because of her
I know when Chase died, that was a huge turning point, but even then I can remember her enjoying life. Now I wonder if it all was just an act and it got to the point she couldn't pretend anymore. As a mom, I don't think I could pretend for very long either.
Those of you who know me, know I have a
Memory provided by Mo: After Columbine happened, Kelly, my mom, myself and Mo all went to a service held at WBCC. They did an alter call, so Kelly grabbed my moms hand, who grabbed my hand which I then grabbed Mo's hand, and we all went up to the alter together. I had totally forgotten about that moment, and I'm so thankful that I was reminded by my friend. Thank you Mo :).